Who among us has never done something that
is regretted later? Who has never said an unkind word
about someone or to someone? Who has never gossiped or
spread untrue rumors? Who has never deliberately inflicted
hurt or pain on another in a moment of high emotion? Who
has not made some life choices that turned out in retrospect
to be destructive to one person or another? Who has not
violated written or unwritten moral codes at one point?
Would that all could live without some
sorrow over the past. Is it possible to do that?
Yes and no. It is possible if the sorrow
leads to greater illumination about ourselves. It is not
possible if the sorrow only leads to blaming others for
those choices made.
It's the human tendency to want to blame
others. No one has to teach a child this—they seem
to figure it out all on their own. “But Mom, he/she
started it!” That's the universal mantra of young
children. It's someone else's fault. They started it—so
that relieves me of any responsibility to stop it or return
good for evil. They started it, so I get to continue it.
They started it and I continue it and the cycle just keeps
going on and on and on. Blaming never, ever leads to self-illumination.
That is one fact of life we can all hang our hats on.
It just perpetuates the problem.
But what happens when we make the hard
effort to stop the blaming and seek to shed some light
on ourselves instead? This doesn't mean going into some
“woe is me” pity party. It does mean recognizing
that all of us make mistakes, some major with perhaps
worldwide repercussions, some minor that may only affect
a small circle. But we all make them. All of us. No one
gets excluded from this one.
In that recognition, and in the time taken
to look carefully at ourselves, we are invited to a place
of real liberation. Blaming others leaves us helpless,
for all circumstances are the fault of others and we can't
do anything about it. But a careful look at our own mistakes
gives us the chance to learn and gain strength and confidence
for the future.
It's not easy to do this. It is often painful
to say, “Wow, I really blew that one. I can't believe
I did that, or acted like that or said that.” Sometimes
the pain seems too much to bear, and we want to retreat
to blaming others to take the pressure off. But if we
go there, and if we go there knowing that God both forgives
and redeems—God lets it go and changes it to something
far better—then we come out with renewed hope.
I say it often that one of my favorite
verses in the Bible is from the very, very sad book of
Lamentations where the prophet, after agonizing over all
the bad things happening ends up saying, “God's
mercies are new every morning.” I love that phrase,
“new every morning.” It gives me hope. It
reminds me that in the eyes of God, it all gets wiped
clean. When I can learn about myself from that “wiped
clean” experience, I can then turn around and offer
to others the option of also being “wiped clean.”
As my congregation often hears from me,
the “grand do-over” is always an option for
us Christians. And in the “do-over,” that
sorrow and regret over past mistakes turns to future hope
and thanksgiving. This is the only way I know to live
without sorrow over the past: face it, learn from it,
stop blaming others, and receive the “do-over”
grace that God keeps offering.
