August 17 Krum Star Article,
"You Cannot Give What You Do Not Have"
How can we give away what we don’t
have? That question haunted me this week after a stimulating
conversation with a friend I hadn’t seen in some
time. After catching up on years past, our conversation
centered around the nature of a grace-filled church and
how such a place expresses itself.
One of the reasons that many people find
church a bit frustrating—or full of hypocrites—is
that what we want from it and what we are willing to give
to it often do not overlap. I listened carefully as my
friend described a place where she would be welcomed,
nurtured and accepted but not overwhelmed or judged by
the people she met. That would be her description of a
grace-filled church. In conversation, she mentioned how
much she wished to give grace to others. And yet her words
were sprinkled with pronouncements of judgments that she
readily made about people she had encountered over the
last few years. Many of those pronouncements were not
particularly flattering nor did I hear them seasoned by
forgiveness and trust, those things which are the essence
of grace-filled relationships.
Because this is a long-time friendship
and there is a lot of comfort between the two of us, I
told her what I was observing. It looked as though that
which she wanted to receive from others and that which
she was willing or able to give to others were very, very
different. As we explored this together, she admitted
something that is common to many: she did not actually
have to give what she said she was giving away. The most
tender parts of her soul overflowed with self-loathing.
She had not yet found the ability to see those parts of
herself with healing grace or to face with transforming
courage those things which were making much of her life
extremely difficult.
I remember my own years like that. I mouthed
openness and tolerance and hope for others while giving
myself none. The words may have sounded good, but there
was nothing underneath to give real substance to them.
The spoken words disappeared as ineffective vapors because
my soul-reality did not match the veneered elegance of
my words. I sought to give what I did not have, and no
one can do that. If we do not really believe that God
has given grace to us, then we have no right to suggest
that God will give it to others.
Those who try to do this are rightly called
hypocrites, even if they do so with the best of motives.
I believe this is the case with my friend. The word “hypocrite”
simply means “play-actor” and that is exactly
what is taking place—we may “play-act”
that we know and have integrated grace, but ultimately
we and others know that something is out of alignment.
It took years and a lot of hard and intentional
work for me to learn to receive that which I wished to
give to others. I still slip up, quite regularly as a
matter of fact. Looking at my slip-ups with a sense of
humor and confident repentance goes a long way to becoming
less of a “play-actor” and more of a fully
integrated human being, living out the Image of God marked
upon my soul. That is a good and fitting goal for all
of us.
See you in church.
Christy
The Rev. Dr. Christy Thomas, Pastor, Krum
UMC
Questions or comments about this article?
Please contact me at christy@krumumc.org
or phone the church office at 940-482-3482.
