I heard these words recently
from the mouth of a close friend, and they reflect multiple
other conversations I’ve engaged in over the years.
I remember saying those words myself on occasion. And
now I wonder what they really mean, particularly as we
enter more deeply into the season that is expected to
be marked by some sort of giddy happiness as we flit from
activity to activity, supposedly surrounded by a golden
glow of loving and perfect families and expectations of
long-awaited gifts to open.
“I am not happy.”
We as a nation were founded on the idea that each
of us is entitled to the pursuit of happiness. Of course,
that pursuit at the time was limited only to male landowners—women,
slaves, etc., didn’t actually count. Nonetheless,
we’ve managed to expand the concept to say now,
“I DESERVE to be happy.” Deserving to be happy
is an extremely different concept that the freedom to
pursue it.
“I am not happy.”
So, what else is new? OK, I’m being a bit of a grump
here, but I still say, “So what? Am I supposed to
leap over tall buildings so you’ll be happy?”
All right, I’m being more than a bit of a grump.
So, let’s try another tack: “Forget happiness
for a moment, and check instead your joy meter. Are you
experiencing any joy in your life?”
Joy is as different from happiness
as a cubic zirconia is to a high quality diamond (as long
as the diamond mine was a “conflict-free”
mine, of course). They may look superficially alike and
both can bring great pleasure and beauty to the eye of
the beholder but a closer look reveals something extremely
different. The search for happiness focuses on the self
and seems to be a very externalized experience. In that
search, we ask, “Will this experience, relationship,
or purchase bring ME happiness?”
But joy is a quantifiably different
emotion. Much more internalized, it springs from being
willing to expend one’s energy for a larger cause.
It comes from a sense of completion—of having done
something that may have seemed difficult or even impossible
at the outset. Yet persistence, patience, energy, creativity,
sweat all combine to push through to the finish. Joy also
arises from true delight in the accomplishments of others,
even if we ourselves lost out in the competition. All
these contribute to the deep welling of true joy which
is a long lasting sense of well-being that may have no
relation at all to our outward circumstances.
This coming Sunday is the third
Sunday in Advent, the time of preparation for the reception
of real joy: the celebration of the birth of the Christ
Child. We will encourage one another to “rejoice
in the Lord always.” Rejoice, even if circumstances
push us to say, “I am not happy.” Rejoice,
and learn to find joy in extending peace to others, even
if that peace is not returned. Let us leave behind that
poverty of soul that insists on personal happiness and
move into the riches of joy in self-giving, service, and
delight in those around us. Then we will say, “the
kingdom of heaven is all about us.”
